What can the way power and delicacy or grace are together in this work teach us about ourselves? I know from my own life that women have used their delicacy politically—to have spurious power over a man; and women have also been forceful in a way that lacked kindness and true grace. Both of these ways—and I’ve had them— arise from a use of oneself to have contempt for the world. Art doesn’t make this mistake, because its purpose is to have respect for the world and how it’s made.
Two Ways of Going After Strength
Growing up in Springfield, Missouri, my parents and I lived in the beautiful region of the Ozarks. I loved its gentle rolling hills and how when cut through by a highway, you could see curves of green earth supported underneath by solid limestone. Like Deborah Butterfield, my father Don Ellison, loved horses from childhood, and with the help of my mother Beverly Burk, bred, trained and raced thoroughbreds. Daily I saw horses running and grazing in our pasture and was in awe watching my father befriend a new foal—gaining its trust with assuring tenderness and a strong, steady hand.
But I also wanted to have my way and when I didn’t get it would throw tantrums. I was competitive, feeling that horses, not me, were the center of my father’s life. I complained that friends went on vacations to ‘fun’ places like Disneyland, but we only went to racetracks—like Kentucky’s historic Churchill Downs. In an early Aesthetic Realism consultation after describing my father’s care for horses with some resentment, my consultants asked, “Why does he care for them so much? They explained that a horse “has tremendous strength and stamina to run as hard as they do and also have grace.” And they asked: “Have you granted yourself much sensitivity and awareness that you find inconceivable in your father?”
I had! It never occurred to me that my father, who I preferred to see as uncultured, was affected by beauty—the power and grace of reality itself, in the equine form; and that he was trying to make sense of these opposites in himself.
In college I began to study sculpture. I felt proud working in the studio carving and constructing with plaster and wood, sanding a surface or refining a contour to create a smooth and delicate form. But in everyday life, I equated strength with my ability to be sarcastic and have a big effect on men. I saw no relation between my determination to get a man’s utter adoration, and the hollowness I increasingly felt. Though outwardly I tried to act graceful and confident, inwardly I felt unsure, and was scared I’d never have large feelings about a man.
Aesthetic Realism taught me that it was my own contempt that had me feel dull, inert and often mean. As I began to see that contempt made me weaker, not stronger, I began to have a different purpose with men. When I met Jaime Torres, who is a podiatrist and advocate for justice in health care, I was affected by the way he was strong and serious, yet had an easy manner and was a graceful dancer. And his criticisms of me, often humorous, have strengthened me and enabled me to be more sincere.
Art Has the Power We Want
Eli Siegel explained that “The ability to be affected by true power, is power. That is the thing that people have to realize—that to be unaffected by true power, is weakness.” Deborah Butterfield said her goal is “to gain insight by attempting to understand another creature.”